Category Archives: children

Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever”

Journal Entry March 11, 2003

I now look at life differently.  My children are more precious to me than ever.  I love to hear them laugh and to daily tell them I love them and kiss them good-night.  Colors seem more vivid.  The breeze on my skin is fresh and invigorating.  I find myself smiling for no good or apparent reason.  It is as though I have peeled off my old life, and a brand new one is emerging.  At 43, can life really begin again?  If so, I pray that I am living proof of it. Continue reading Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever”

Wisdom in the Counsel of Many?

“Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.”  Proverbs 15:22

We know there is wisdom in the counsel of many.  Even in the midst of overwhelming heartache and confusion, we may have some vague idea of what we want or need to do, but out of a sincere desire to do the right thing, we prefer to secure a measure of validation from others before we proceed.

Unfortunately, when dealing with an abusive spouse, some of our most well-meaning advisers may offer up various measures of godly-sounding legalism rather than the kind of balanced, practical support that the one living in the cross-hairs of an abuser desperately needs.

Continue reading Wisdom in the Counsel of Many?

The Heart Murderer

Jesus said, “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, “Raca” shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell…”  Matthew 5:21-22

The entire fifth chapter of Matthew records a timeless discourse given by Jesus before a great crowd who had gathered on a hillside.  There, our Lord spent time assuring the wounded and the unseen that God saw their hearts in the midst of all they were going through and that their faithfulness would one day be rewarded.  Jesus then took time to contrast mere image with substance, outward appearances with the condition of the heart.  He made it powerfully apparent that, although we may content ourselves with what is seen outwardly, God sees it all, including the motives and intentions of our hearts.

Continue reading The Heart Murderer

Predator or Prey?

Predator or Prey?

“…be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”

Ephesians 6:10

 

When living in an abusive household, there is no truly safe place, no easy answers, and no best response to a given situation, because the world revolves around the abuser’s* wants and needs, which are ever-changing.  This kind of unstable environment has profound impacts on wives – the abuser’s primary victims – and children.

Continue reading Predator or Prey?

Enabling Isn’t Noble

“A man of great anger must pay the penalty.
If you rescue him, you will only have to do again.”  Proverbs 19:19

For some of you reading this, what I need to share may be difficult to receive; nevertheless, I hope you will consider what I have to say, for I have been where you are…

I know you are determined to fix it, to help the man* to whom you are so devoted, to help him work through whatever pain he is carrying, to love him unconditionally in spite of how he treats you.  I know you want to believe that hiding somewhere beneath that prickly exterior is the man who found a way to win your heart however many months or years ago.

I know you want to be strong, to prove to yourself, God, those who know you and the man you live with that no matter how he treats you, you won’t break and you will never give up.  You believe that somehow, someday his heart will soften, life will become sweet and safe, and you will both bask in the kind of deep, transcendent love you imagine.  I know that each morning you awaken with a new hope that maybe today things will be different.  Maybe today he will see you and decide to love you back.  Maybe today you will find the key that will unlock his seemingly lost and hurting heart.

Continue reading Enabling Isn’t Noble