Tag Archives: healing

“I Promise It Will Never Happen Again”

“It will never happen again…”

How many of us as abuse survivors have heard those words?  In my experience, it seems to be a pretty high percentage.

After all of the torment, the name-calling and crazy-making conversations, maybe you’ve finally decided that you just can’t live that way anymore.  So, you pack your bags and walk out, swearing that you will never see that heartless man** again.

A few days or weeks pass, and you find the courage to convey to your estranged spouse that it’s over.  You’re not playing the crazy game for one more day.  But suddenly you receive a message on your phone or a big bouquet of flowers arrives with a fancy card tucked inside. Your abuser passionately conveys a message that goes something like this:

“I realize what a fool I’ve been and how much I love you and need you in my life, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy.  I know I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to re-earn your love and trust.  I feel terrible knowing that I have hurt you deeply, but I promise you it will never happen again. I will never love anyone as much as I love you, and I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else.  So just know that I will never give up on us, and I hope you will give me another chance to show you how wonderful our life together can be.”

Continue reading “I Promise It Will Never Happen Again”

Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever”

Journal Entry March 11, 2003

I now look at life differently.  My children are more precious to me than ever.  I love to hear them laugh and to daily tell them I love them and kiss them good-night.  Colors seem more vivid.  The breeze on my skin is fresh and invigorating.  I find myself smiling for no good or apparent reason.  It is as though I have peeled off my old life, and a brand new one is emerging.  At 43, can life really begin again?  If so, I pray that I am living proof of it. Continue reading Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever”

Is He Throwing Mud at the Wall?

“The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.  The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness; and the end of his talk is mischievous madness.”  Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

King Solomon describes those who are swallowed up by their own folly, their own words betraying their “mischievous madness.”  Perhaps you have witnessed what he so eloquently described.

It happens when your priorities finally shift, when holding your unhappy relationship together is replaced by a deepening determination to break free.  But your abuser will realize he’s* losing his grip, and thus begins the next chapter in this ridiculous saga…

Continue reading Is He Throwing Mud at the Wall?

The Black Sheep

“I am the black sheep in the family.”

How often have you heard those words? Perhaps you have spoken them.  Perhaps you have been saddled with an identity you did not seek, an identity that does not reflect who you really are.

Perhaps you know what it feels like to be the outcast, a misfit, a thorn in the side of those whose norms and expectations strangely – and even irrationally – clash with your own.  It is an extremely painful yet common reality for many. Continue reading The Black Sheep

Two Lifetimes

Sometimes it feels as though I have lived two profoundly different lifetimes.

Many years ago, I lived as one unloved, unseen and unappreciated, fearful and confused, trying to please someone who would not be pleased.  Loneliness hung heavy over me.  The wounds were deep, and the pain was crippling.

But, the day came when God set me free, and He began to whisper to me, reminding me of who I am – and whose I am.  The truth is that He had been trying to speak to me for a long time, but I wasn’t listening.  My pride was in the way.

I finally left that ungodly life behind.  It was not an easy journey to find freedom and peace, but it was well worth the effort.  And in time a new life with a new love began.  Rather than feeling inadequate or fearful, I am adored and appreciated.  I am not viewed as a pest, but as a priority.  My husband is my protector, my provider, and my best friend.

I remember well that old, dark life, but now it feels like another lifetime.

It was.

If you sense God calling you out of the darkness and into His marvelous light, listen.  It may be that He has a whole new life out there waiting for you, too.

“…hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is lovingkindness, and with Him is abundant redemption.” Psalm 130:7