Tag Archives: religion

abuse, divorce, marriage, religion

A Redemptive Look at Three of the Most Commonly Misappropriated Scriptures on the Subject of Divorce (Part I)

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“The Traditional Church Script” is how I have come to refer to the legalists’ dogmatic and unbiblical mantra to oppose biblical divorce and keep abuse victims bound in ungodly marriages. On Christian websites and in countless books authored by well-known authors we often find a virtually identical refrain. The writers lay down the law and contend that the issue has been settled and no further discussion is worth consideration. The legalist dogma essentially declares: God hates divorce; adultery is the only biblical cause for divorce (with abandonment a possible second); divorce for any other purpose is a sin and constitutes adultery; and remarriage constitutes adultery unless the re-marrying partner was divorced from an adulterous spouse.

Having discovered many reputable experts with an opposing and completely defensible perspective, I’ll admit my frustration that so many mainstream Bible teachers are unwilling to reconsider. I also find it surprising that prominent men and women in authority and in the ministry seem to have taken so little time to more thoroughly examine God’s intent on a subject of such profound importance.

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abuse, divorce, motherhood

What About The Children?

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“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.”

I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to  myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank you.” For what he shared is something rarely heard.

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

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False Repentance

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When push comes to shove, and an abuse victim has finally had her fill, the confrontation with her abuser will almost certainly set in motion a new set of somewhat predictable responses. It is a crucial moment for her, because denial has finally given way to determination, and though confusion typically reigns, clarity is gaining a foothold.

The victim has reached a point where she is willing and able to openly contend that the relationship has reached its breaking point. She may confront her abuser in the midst of a conflict, try to choose the perfect opportunity to approach him, or pack her bags and leave a note on the nightstand. No matter how the issue is broached, the typical abuser is not usually receptive to being exposed, dismissed or ignored. The victim needs to brace herself; the game is almost certainly not over yet. He still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

In such a confrontation an abuser will almost always immediately question either his victim’s sanity or her resolve. This may come in the form of feigned doubt, shock or horror. The victim might hear something like this:

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abuse, divorce, religion

Praying For The Right Thing

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Does God always answer our prayers? It is a question that begs an answer. How can it be that the abused who seeks respite from his or her condition through prayer for years receives no relief?

Is it that God is not listening, does not care, or wishes for the abused to remain in their terrible condition? Or maybe none of those is correct. Maybe He is answering our prayers, but not the way we expect.

In the midst of ongoing heartache, for many years the consistent, intentional prayer of my heart was that God would open the eyes of my abusive spouse and restore our relationship to wholeness. Now the Word says that if I “have the faith of a mustard seed,” the mountain will be moved. So I prayed for more faith. And because Paul wrote that, “love never fails,” I prayed that God would make me more loving. I also believed that my prayer would eventually win the day because, “the fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” And in His miraculous name, I anticipated the ultimate, favorable answer to the singular cry of my heart: “Lord, save our marriage.”

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divorce, religion

I Know How the Blind Man Felt

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What began as a life-changing encounter between a blind man and the Messiah should have culminated in celebration. Instead, this man whose life had been miraculously changed for the better finds himself facing cruel accusations and ultimately rejection.

My story has some similarities. But in order to understand my story, we must first take a look at his.

There were many blind men to whom Jesus restored sight, but the story of the man who has held my interest is the focus of the entire ninth chapter of the Gospel of John. We are not even given his name, yet this man, whose life began in obscurity, is now and forever etched in the chronicles of God. And on this particular day the man’s life would change in ways he could never have comprehended.

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