Tag Archives: children of divorce

abuse, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery

Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available

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February 4, 2015                                                        Contact:  Cindy Burrell  FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:                                            Hurtbylove.com

Author and abuse survivor Cindy Burrell is pleased to announce the release of the second editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce.”

Burrell, the co-owner of Hurtbylove.com stated, “We have been successful in reaching thousands upon thousands of women in 42 countries since we hit the internet with the release of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” five years ago.  We are eager to help thousands more to understand abuse – and find healing.

Continue reading Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available →

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, children, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery, religion, unsafe home

Suffering Love:  A Redemptive Force or an Enabling One?  

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“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.”   heart pendant

Romans 12:9

As we seek to understand God’s way for us in the midst of an abusive relationship, there are times when the Scriptures can provoke us to doubt or fear the heart of the One who loves us.  The Scriptures indeed acknowledge that there are times when enduring harsh or inappropriate treatment serves as a powerful testimony and can bring glory to God.  But too often we are inclined to believe that, if we are suffering in marriage, we are called to pray, perfect ourselves to attempt to earn our abuser’s love, and hope for change.

But what if a hostile husband’s* behaviors have nothing to do with a lack of understanding, a difficult phase in his life, his struggles at work, or a traumatic childhood?  What if the one with whom you share your bed is an utterly self-absorbed, abusive – even wicked – man?  What if he knows exactly what he is doing, doesn’t care if you are hurting and uses your faith to keep you bound to him?  Does your commitment to sacrifice yourself to his will minister to him or merely enable him?  If it is the latter, you must ask yourself:  Is that what God would have me do?

Continue reading Suffering Love:  A Redemptive Force or an Enabling One?   →

abuse, children, divorce, faith, motherhood, religion

Charla’s Story About Brett

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With her permission, I would like to share this story my eldest child, Charla, wrote for her college psychology class. It is about Brett, my youngest son. I shared an earlier piece about him that you can read here. 

Yesterday, I had a group presentation in my psychology class about depression, bipolar disorder, and suicide.  Each us had a different section and mine was depression.  We agreed to pick real-life examples of people who struggle(d) with each of these things.  At the beginning of our presentation, we had picture cards with a blurb of the person’s story on the back.  We picked several people to get up in front of the class to show the picture and read the blurb to everyone.

My real-life example was about Brett.

An older man, Tom, agreed to read Brett’s story to the class.  On the front of the card was this picture:

brett lil boy

And on the back, Tom read this blurb to the class:

My name is Brett.  I love superheroes, music, and my brother and sister.  I am only 7-years-old when I start going through depression.  My dad is a drug addict and an alcoholic, and he is verbally and emotionally abusive toward me.  My mom tries to protect me, but she has to be away from the house during the day because she works to support our family.  I am afraid to be alone in the house with my dad.  I can’t force myself to smile or laugh.  I spend most days hiding in my room, and eating to make myself feel better.  I don’t believe that anyone truly loves me.  I am not even sure that I am worth loving.

It was so touching because, during the middle, Tom got all choked up and he struggled to finish reading it.  As he went to sit down, my professor said, “Wow.  That must’ve been really hard to read.”

Later on in my presentation, I shared a bit more of Brett’s story with this slide: Continue reading Charla’s Story About Brett →

abuse, divorce, marriage, religion

Waiting At the Window

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2013-05-09-17-09-51-150x150“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Proverbs 13:12

From a very young age, my second-born son, Brett, was positively delightful.  He had a contagious smile that could light up a room, bright, dancing eyes and a playful, charming, sensitive disposition.  That is the image of Brett I prefer to remember.

But as the years passed, and my marriage began to crumble under the weight of abuse, neglect and drug and alcohol abuse, I saw my happy, fun-loving Brett begin to withdraw.  The slow progression over time transformed Brett from his lively, fun-loving self into a young boy who was sullen and introverted.  Brett struggled in school, spent long hours alone in his room, comforted himself with junk food, or escaped the tension of our home life by immersing himself in movies and video games. Continue reading Waiting At the Window →

abuse, divorce, motherhood

What About The Children?

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“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.”

I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to  myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank you.” For what he shared is something rarely heard.

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

Continue reading What About The Children? →