Category Archives: confusion

abuse, belief system, betrayal, biblical divorce, conflict, confusion, controlling abuse, cruelty, divorce, emotional abuse, faith, fear, humiliation, hypocrisy, judgment, marriage, perfectionism, shame, trauma

He Really Believes…

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In my conversations with abuse victims, the above phrase is something I can typically expect to hear.

It begins with “He* really believes…” and ends with:

…his way is the right way.

…I’m the one with the problem.

…I don’t understand him.

…I should just trust him.

…he is justified in treating me the way he does.

…I’m a lousy wife.

Does he really believe those things?  If he does, then to my way of thinking, there are only two options.  Either: 1) he is painfully delusional, or 2) he is doing everything in his power to convince you that he believes those things of you.

Why would he do that?

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abuse, children, confusion, divorce, emotional abuse, family dysfunction, recovery

Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever”

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Journal Entry March 11, 2003

I now look at life differently.  My children are more precious to me than ever.  I love to hear them laugh and to daily tell them I love them and kiss them good-night.  Colors seem more vivid.  The breeze on my skin is fresh and invigorating.  I find myself smiling for no good or apparent reason.  It is as though I have peeled off my old life, and a brand new one is emerging.  At 43, can life really begin again?  If so, I pray that I am living proof of it. Continue reading Life on the Other Side:  “The Best Christmas Ever” →

abuse, Christianity, conflict, confusion, divorce, emotional abuse, enabling, faith, leaving an abuser, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion, truth, unsafe home, wisdom

Is He Throwing Mud at the Wall?

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“The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.  The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness; and the end of his talk is mischievous madness.”  Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

King Solomon describes those who are swallowed up by their own folly, their own words betraying their “mischievous madness.”  Perhaps you have witnessed what he so eloquently described.

It happens when your priorities finally shift, when holding your unhappy relationship together is replaced by a deepening determination to break free.  But your abuser will realize he’s* losing his grip, and thus begins the next chapter in this ridiculous saga…

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abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, Christianity, church denial, conflict, confusion, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, family dysfunction, judgment, marriage, religion, remarriage, unsafe home

The Dreaded “D” Word

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In my conversations with abuse victims, as I listen to them while they peel away layer after layer of marital heartbreak, there may come a point when I find myself engaged in an internal wrestling match, when I am thoroughly convinced that I need to use the dreaded “D” word, but I wonder:  Is it okay for me to say it?

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abuse, Christianity, conflict, confusion, faith, fear, leaving an abuser, loneliness, marriage, recovery, wisdom

Maybe It Wasn’t That Bad

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Perhaps you have finally chosen to make a dramatic life shift away from your abuser – to separate or divorce him.*  Although some of your wounds have healed and many things have changed for the better, other aspects of your life may be more challenging than you expected, and there may be moments when you find yourself doubting the severity of your tumultuous history.

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