Category Archives: abuse

abuse, divorce, religion

Love Never Fails?

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Making a commitment to live life according to a known truth will only yield its promised result if the truth to which you are committed is actually true. (You can read that again if it helps.)

 There are many principles to which I was committed during my 20-year marriage to a man who was a verbal and emotional abuser. Perhaps above all others, the 13th chapter of I Corinthians, “the love chapter,” became the bedrock of my moral conviction that my marriage would and could be saved, grounded in the core premise that “love never fails.”

That section of Scripture assured me that if I loved fully and well it would accomplish the ultimate objective – to incite my husband to change and become an attentive, loving man – the best husband and father he could be. Our marriage and family would, in time, be restored. To my way of thinking, a faith-borne love must ultimately win.

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abuse, divorce, motherhood

What About The Children?

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“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.”

I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to  myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank you.” For what he shared is something rarely heard.

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

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abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, divorce, domestic violence, Doug's Articles, faith, marriage, recovery, religion, Uncategorized

If You Die For Her, She Will Live For You

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At my church like many other churches they have a Men’s Ministry group, although I feel the name should be changed to “Men that chivalryMinister.” Anyway, I am always baffled when I am around men and they comment about how they seem to have a hard time connecting with their wives. Or when they share their displeasure of their marriage to me. This happened a long time ago in case someone is lurking and being nosy.

Now, first of all I must let it be known that I certainly do not occupy the corner of the market on wisdom in marriage, nor am I an expert on anything but knowing one thing for sure and that is that Christ came for restoration, and that we should seek restoration in all relationships if possible. I say “if possible” because it takes two to tango.  Free will is involved. But when two persons’ will is to be restored and they seek the great Restorer then all things are possible.

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abuse, religion

Letter to Abusive Husbands (My Husband Wrote This)

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Mr. Religious-Abuser,

My name is Doug Burrell, co-founder of a ministry that helps women who are married to super religious, super anointed, scripture spouting, pharisaical vipers who are full of dead men’s bones!

If you’re reading this letter, it most likely applies to you. Who in the hell do you think you are treating a precious gift from God the way you do?  I know how you play the game;  how you are always faithful in church and how you put on a great smile with everyone you meet. How you are falsely charming to everyone BUT your wife! I know you have the pastor and many others fooled into thinking you’re the next best thing since sliced bread. Well guess what? I know it’s all a lie! That’s right! You’re just a scared little man, afraid that everyone will find out who you really are. That’s the reason for the show. Your entire life is an act, and you know it!  News Flash – The world doesn’t revolve around you, and NO you’re not special at all!

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abuse, divorce, religion

Praying For The Right Thing

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Does God always answer our prayers? It is a question that begs an answer. How can it be that the abused who seeks respite from his or her condition through prayer for years receives no relief?

Is it that God is not listening, does not care, or wishes for the abused to remain in their terrible condition? Or maybe none of those is correct. Maybe He is answering our prayers, but not the way we expect.

In the midst of ongoing heartache, for many years the consistent, intentional prayer of my heart was that God would open the eyes of my abusive spouse and restore our relationship to wholeness. Now the Word says that if I “have the faith of a mustard seed,” the mountain will be moved. So I prayed for more faith. And because Paul wrote that, “love never fails,” I prayed that God would make me more loving. I also believed that my prayer would eventually win the day because, “the fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” And in His miraculous name, I anticipated the ultimate, favorable answer to the singular cry of my heart: “Lord, save our marriage.”

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