Category Archives: marriage

abuse, belief system, Christianity, conflict, disbelief, domestic violence, faith, God's faithfulness, marriage, religion

Abusers Choose

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“He came to His hometown and began teaching them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers? Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary, and His brothers, James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” And they took offense at Him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.”  And He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief.”  Matthew 13:54-58

So it is that Jesus went to reveal Himself to those who had seen Him grow up.  He arrived at His hometown willing to do the miraculous, to demonstrate the power of God to people He knew in gracious, tangible ways. Continue reading Abusers Choose →

abuse, confusion, disrespect, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion

A Season of Man-Hating

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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

Just a few months after separating from my husband, I was hired by a prominent government official to be his receptionist and personal assistant.  In that role, I was responsible for greeting those who came to meet with him, people from all walks of life.  Still reeling from the effects of the abuse and dealing with my husband’s ongoing harassment, in my mind’s eye every man who walked in the door was automatically presumed to be an enemy – a self-serving, conniving jerk.  As far as greeting those who came to meet with my boss, I knew how to be cordial while remaining thoroughly entrenched in my cynical mindset toward the opposite sex. 

Continue reading A Season of Man-Hating →

abuse, children, conflict, controlling abuse, denial, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, marriage, recovery, religion, terror, unsafe home

Predator or Prey?

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Predator or Prey?

“…be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”

Ephesians 6:10

 

When living in an abusive household, there is no truly safe place, no easy answers, and no best response to a given situation, because the world revolves around the abuser’s* wants and needs, which are ever-changing.  This kind of unstable environment has profound impacts on wives – the abuser’s primary victims – and children.

Continue reading Predator or Prey? →

abuse, belief system, Christianity, domestic violence, enabling, faith, hypocrisy, judgment, marriage, religion

Judge Not?

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Many of us have been taught that, as believers, we are not to judge lest we be judged.  The inference is that judging others is always wrong.  If we don’t want to find ourselves judged, we should not judge anyone else.  Ever.

It almost seems right, but it is a twisting of the truth, and it is little sound-bites like these that often hold us captive, leading us to believe that we have no right to scrutinize others’ character or to identify wicked people among us, particularly those who claim to be fellow believers.   Are we really called to accommodate the wicked living in our homes and serving in our churches for fear of being deemed judgmental? Continue reading Judge Not? →

abuse, belief system, children, communication, conflict, confusion, disrespect, emotional abuse, enabling, faith, fear, marriage, recovery

Enabling Isn’t Noble

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“A man of great anger must pay the penalty.
If you rescue him, you will only have to do again.”  Proverbs 19:19

For some of you reading this, what I need to share may be difficult to receive; nevertheless, I hope you will consider what I have to say, for I have been where you are…

I know you are determined to fix it, to help the man* to whom you are so devoted, to help him work through whatever pain he is carrying, to love him unconditionally in spite of how he treats you.  I know you want to believe that hiding somewhere beneath that prickly exterior is the man who found a way to win your heart however many months or years ago.

I know you want to be strong, to prove to yourself, God, those who know you and the man you live with that no matter how he treats you, you won’t break and you will never give up.  You believe that somehow, someday his heart will soften, life will become sweet and safe, and you will both bask in the kind of deep, transcendent love you imagine.  I know that each morning you awaken with a new hope that maybe today things will be different.  Maybe today he will see you and decide to love you back.  Maybe today you will find the key that will unlock his seemingly lost and hurting heart.

Continue reading Enabling Isn’t Noble →