Tag Archives: conflict

abuse, belief system, conflict, confusion, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, hostility, loneliness, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion

I Can’t Stand You (Please Don’t Leave Me)

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“…purify your hearts, you double-minded.”  James 4:8bangel and devil on my shoulder

An abuse victim’s thought process is a paradox as her mind waffles between extremes  – a simmering resentment toward her abuser juxtaposed against a desperate, if destructive, addiction to him.  The Scripture says that “…the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.”[i]  It is a vivid picture, capturing well the tempest of confusion in which many an abuse victim finds herself as she endeavors  to make sense of the mixed messages she hears.

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abuse, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery

Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available

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whyishesomeantome_header (2)

February 4, 2015                                                        Contact:  Cindy Burrell  FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:                                            Hurtbylove.com

Author and abuse survivor Cindy Burrell is pleased to announce the release of the second editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce.”

Burrell, the co-owner of Hurtbylove.com stated, “We have been successful in reaching thousands upon thousands of women in 42 countries since we hit the internet with the release of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” five years ago.  We are eager to help thousands more to understand abuse – and find healing.

Continue reading Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available →

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, children, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery, religion, unsafe home

Suffering Love:  A Redemptive Force or an Enabling One?  

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“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.”   heart pendant

Romans 12:9

As we seek to understand God’s way for us in the midst of an abusive relationship, there are times when the Scriptures can provoke us to doubt or fear the heart of the One who loves us.  The Scriptures indeed acknowledge that there are times when enduring harsh or inappropriate treatment serves as a powerful testimony and can bring glory to God.  But too often we are inclined to believe that, if we are suffering in marriage, we are called to pray, perfect ourselves to attempt to earn our abuser’s love, and hope for change.

But what if a hostile husband’s* behaviors have nothing to do with a lack of understanding, a difficult phase in his life, his struggles at work, or a traumatic childhood?  What if the one with whom you share your bed is an utterly self-absorbed, abusive – even wicked – man?  What if he knows exactly what he is doing, doesn’t care if you are hurting and uses your faith to keep you bound to him?  Does your commitment to sacrifice yourself to his will minister to him or merely enable him?  If it is the latter, you must ask yourself:  Is that what God would have me do?

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abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, fear, hostility, leaving an abuser, manipulation, religion, unsafe home

A Video to Share With Those Who Don’t Understand Verbal Abuse

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This is a French video with subtitles, but it is well worth the time to watch and share with others to help them to understand how the dynamics of verbal and emotional abuse incrementally, insidiously destroy the victim.

It is one thing to watch this brief clip and see the pain in the woman’s eyes, but quite another to imagine living with a man like him day after day, week after week, year after year.  And he  never strikes her.

This is the kind of thing that most people do not understand.  The man is not going through a difficult time or having a bad day, nor is he merely unable to see his wife’s needs.  He doesn’t care about anything but himself and what he wants and expects.  The poor woman is his possession, not his partner.

See if you can identify the various tactics the man uses.

Trigger Warning:  This will likely churn up painful memories for the recovering abuse victim.

 

 

abuse, belief system, conflict, disbelief, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, marriage, recovery, religion, terror

Give Me Five Minutes (Things I Would Like to Say To An Abuse Victim)

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Dear friend, I have no idea how long you might listen before you five minutesdecide to shut me out.  But what I have to say is important, and I hope you will give me just a few precious minutes to share what is on my heart.

What I need to say may change how you see yourself and even, perhaps, the course of your life.  Please consider my words.  My prayer in this moment is that you might give yourself permission to be completely honest with yourself.  Listen to what your heart says.  You will know if what I am saying is true.

You see, I know a lot more about you than you might imagine.  I know you think no one knows what is going on in your little corner of the world.

But I know.

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