Tag Archives: dysfunction

abuse, conflict, confusion, domestic violence, emotional abuse, fear, hostility, loneliness, manipulation, marriage, recovery, terror, unsafe home

Trump Cards: The Abuser’s Game-Changer

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ace of spades2“Strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.”  WarGames

You may not even know he holds them, but the odds are good that, if you are in an abusive relationship, you have had these thrown at you more than once.

They are trump cards.

Abusers almost always have a trump card or two tucked into their pockets.  Just when you think that your reasoning might bring about a favorable resolution to a conflict, he pulls one of these babies out and drops it on the table.  Then what do you do?  You’ve just been undermined, shut down and dismissed.  The conversation is over, and you have lost.

 “I don’t care what you think.”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Just go away and leave me alone.”

“I’m done talking to you.”

“I have made my decision.”

“Just do as I say.”

“You will submit to me.”

Continue reading Trump Cards: The Abuser’s Game-Changer →

abuse, belief system, conflict, confusion, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, hostility, loneliness, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion

I Can’t Stand You (Please Don’t Leave Me)

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“…purify your hearts, you double-minded.”  James 4:8bangel and devil on my shoulder

An abuse victim’s thought process is a paradox as her mind waffles between extremes  – a simmering resentment toward her abuser juxtaposed against a desperate, if destructive, addiction to him.  The Scripture says that “…the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.”[i]  It is a vivid picture, capturing well the tempest of confusion in which many an abuse victim finds herself as she endeavors  to make sense of the mixed messages she hears.

Continue reading I Can’t Stand You (Please Don’t Leave Me) →

abuse, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery

Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available

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whyishesomeantome_header (2)

February 4, 2015                                                        Contact:  Cindy Burrell  FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:                                            Hurtbylove.com

Author and abuse survivor Cindy Burrell is pleased to announce the release of the second editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce.”

Burrell, the co-owner of Hurtbylove.com stated, “We have been successful in reaching thousands upon thousands of women in 42 countries since we hit the internet with the release of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” five years ago.  We are eager to help thousands more to understand abuse – and find healing.

Continue reading Second Editions of “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce,” Are Now Available →

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, children, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, leaving an abuser, marriage, physical abuse, recovery, religion, unsafe home

Suffering Love:  A Redemptive Force or an Enabling One?  

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“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.”   heart pendant

Romans 12:9

As we seek to understand God’s way for us in the midst of an abusive relationship, there are times when the Scriptures can provoke us to doubt or fear the heart of the One who loves us.  The Scriptures indeed acknowledge that there are times when enduring harsh or inappropriate treatment serves as a powerful testimony and can bring glory to God.  But too often we are inclined to believe that, if we are suffering in marriage, we are called to pray, perfect ourselves to attempt to earn our abuser’s love, and hope for change.

But what if a hostile husband’s* behaviors have nothing to do with a lack of understanding, a difficult phase in his life, his struggles at work, or a traumatic childhood?  What if the one with whom you share your bed is an utterly self-absorbed, abusive – even wicked – man?  What if he knows exactly what he is doing, doesn’t care if you are hurting and uses your faith to keep you bound to him?  Does your commitment to sacrifice yourself to his will minister to him or merely enable him?  If it is the latter, you must ask yourself:  Is that what God would have me do?

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abuse, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, leaving an abuser, manipulation, marriage, physical abuse

The Face of Abuse

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This is what physical abuse looks like. See the pain, not only on the woman’s face, but also in her countenance. Verbal and emotional abuse cause just as much harm; it’s just that others can’t see the wounds and the scars left behind.

This Woman Took A Photo Of Herself Every Day For A Year. I Was In Tears When I Saw The Last One.

By sharing photos of one woman’s face over the course of a year, this video conveys a powerful message that needs to be shared. “One photo a day in the worst year of my life” was created by the Croatian government in response to a danger that many women across the globe live with every day. The harrowing message is made even more impactful by the sign the woman holds up at the end. It reads, “Help me, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow”. Warning: the video contains graphic images towards the end.