Tag Archives: Marriage

Bad Juju: Working Through Bad Memories

In our household, it is affectionately referred to as “bad juju.” I suppose that acknowledging temporary insanity with a dose of humor is half the battle. But when our lives are humming along at a fairly even keel, it is not at all humorous when one of us suddenly stumbles into it. The bad juju.

For us, bad juju is what we call an old wound that we thought was healed but isn’t – somewhat akin to post traumatic stress. An otherwise innocent situation can unexpectedly propel us back to a disturbing memory, registering an immediate, fear-based reaction – an emotional nosedive.

One such unfortunate ambush occurred when I was dating my husband, Doug. We were living about 300 miles apart at the time, and we had spent many wonderful hours on the phone getting acquainted over the previous several weeks. So he was aware of my dark history – my 20-year marriage to an abusive man. I felt quite confident that the combination of many months of counseling – together with the support of family and friends – had led me far along my path to recovery. I was naïve, having not the slightest suspicion that the bad juju was close at hand but hidden from view – an emotional land mine.

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Love Gifts from the Hand of God (The Jackrabbit Story)

Even from a young age I have enjoyed the simple wonders of nature. In elementary school I learned to identify many of the local songbirds, the scrub jays and red-tailed hawks that could be observed in our neighborhood on a daily basis. I gleaned a special joy from an occasional sighting of deer, raccoons and squirrels that might be spotted in nearby fields yet to be cleared.

 But for some reason jackrabbits have always held a special place in my heart. Perhaps because of their elusive nature, it felt like no small reward when I would catch a glimpse of one dashing swiftly and almost silently through the tall summer wildflowers. And since those days, those creatures have come to mean much more. So with this as background, I share this odd little story.

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Abuse: Exploiting the Feminine Heart

In the must-read book, “Captivating,” co-authored with her husband (John Eldredge, the well-known author of “Wild at Heart”), Stasi Eldredge lays bare the deepest cries of a woman’s heart. Mrs. Eldredge betrays with painful vulnerability and sensitivity all of womanhood’s ever-pervasive yearning. A woman wants to know: Do you see me? Am I lovely?

Every young girl and woman longs to be known, to be seen. Her spirit dares to assent to the understanding that she is uniquely wondrous and worthy of love and affection. Her deepest desire and greatest joy is to have that truth affirmed in her life, particularly by a man – first her father and then her mate. We come alive with the telling of a sweet love story and hope that one day we might be at the center of one.

In fact, being convinced that I am not alone in my fantasies, I confess my belief in what might be called fairy-tale love, even a “prince,” an honorable man who singles me out above all other women – his “princess.” He sees me as intrinsically beautiful and special, worthy of pursuit and protection. He hears not just the words that leave my lips, but those that emanate from my heart. He wants me to know that I am loved and for me to feel secure, content and satisfied. He prizes me. He sees me.

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