His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression; under his tongue is mischief and wickedness.
Proverbs 10:7
Just because an abuser is not raging does not mean he is suddenly safe or honest or genuine. An abuser’s words cannot be trusted. He is an artful deceiver and, in many cases, an out-and-out liar. Words are simply a tool that can be fashioned to support his desired reality.
Of course, a healthy relationship should be grounded in truth, honesty and mutual concern, but the abuser does not share these values. His primary concern is his own welfare, and where honesty should reign, he will not hesitate to construct and reconstruct a psychological house of mirrors that his victim must slog her way through, her objective being to somehow find some hard truth to hold onto amid the confusion. The typical abuser seems quite adept at avoidance, deflection, deception, redirection, feigning ignorance, shifting blame or simply lying when the need arises.
In one such scenario, he might arrive home with an outlandishly expensive tool or toy that is either unnecessary or unaffordable (probably not the first time), but it’s something he wants. Shocked by his spontaneous purchase, you may broach the issue by saying, “I thought we agreed we would not make any big purchases without discussing them.” Continue reading Liar, Liar
I would like to introduce you to Amberly – the youngest of my four children, a sweet-natured darling, a delight to know and have around. At 18-years of age, she is a petite little thing, standing at five-foot-nothing, with long dark hair and soft hazel eyes. Since the day she was born, she has been an easy-going child. Compliant and sweet-natured, I have never witnessed her being deliberately harsh with anyone, not even her siblings.