From time to time, an abuse victim will ask me, “Do you believe our relationship can be saved?” Instantly, I feel the weight of it, for the question is filled with untold emotion and self-doubt.
I have a pretty good idea where she is coming from. If she is anything like I was, the abuse victim has staked her future on a hope that she can somehow hold things together while helping the abuser to work through his* issues, believing she might possess some intangible quality that will ultimately move him to address not only his unhealthy behaviors, but his very nature. So for the victim, it is the investment of herself she seeks to redeem, as surely it would be a terrible waste to forfeit that which has consumed so much of her life’s energy if, by some miracle, a favorable outcome may be imminent.
But, what if it becomes apparent that all of her efforts have amounted to nothing? Submitting to such a hard truth will inflict pain enough. The admission will add another layer of uncertainty to her already stressful life, and she will face the judgment of many who will hastily conclude that it was she who failed. Continue reading Can the Relationship Be Saved?
My eldest daughter, Charla, recently wrote a paper for her college psychology class about depression and decided to share it with me. The subject of her paper was her younger brother, Brett, and what he suffered as a young boy in an abusive home. (You can read Charla’s account of her class presentation 
I would like to introduce you to Amberly – the youngest of my four children, a sweet-natured darling, a delight to know and have around. At 18-years of age, she is a petite little thing, standing at five-foot-nothing, with long dark hair and soft hazel eyes. Since the day she was born, she has been an easy-going child. Compliant and sweet-natured, I have never witnessed her being deliberately harsh with anyone, not even her siblings.