The Religious Vipers At It Again

First off, this is Doug, not Cindy. So forgive my un-gentleness.


Over at Reformed Baptist Pastor D. Scott Meadows gives us a glimpse into the world of domination and control by wrongly wielding the scriptures to once again enforce the abusers mindset of total Narcissistic behavior and control over his ever so godly and submissive wife.

Here is a link to the manipulative article he wrote.   A Christian Wife’s Marriage Catechism

And here is what I think of it!

What a load of garbage! This is the kind of stuff that enables and empowers abuse in the church. These poor women are given a message, vision, and mission in life that they are worthless and must be submissive to a tyrant.

A catechism is a doctrinal teaching that is supposed to be read and memorized. The fact that this is being presented as a catechism is telling of the author’s intent. Submit, submit, submit. I find it odd that women are being told to submit more than men are being told to love.

Please read, “The World Still Needs Kings.”

Let me begin by starting at Question #2. His choice of words is telling. The author is basically saying, “You got what you got. Now deal with it. Don’t complain, be happy you have a husband at all.” That’s what I hear.

#4: Remember women to stay in your place.  He has authority over you.

#9: This attitude always makes me laugh. First off, if the husband has total authority over his wife, then why would the women have the need to set an example for her master? That sounds like mutiny or espionage to me. I mean, if I have total authority, then my wife should never seek to influence me.

Point #11 is just sick! Again, women, just keep in your place. Your man is much better than you deserve, the seed of worthlessness being sown and nourished right here, not mention feeding the enabling tendencies.

#12: Again! Oh, how disturbing this piece is! Your worthless wife must submit to your awesome husband and confess and ask for his forgiveness!

Honestly, I can’t believe I’m spending time responding. But, I can’t let this type of religious garbage to go unchecked.

Wives! Please do not believe this stuff. My wife submits to me because I love and cherish her. I do not lead with an iron fist, but try to be wise and consider her and the children in every decision I make. I consult her often. A foolish husband would not. I accept my position of authority as being ultimately responsible, protective and as a facilitator of growth for the family.

For a peek into the lives of an abuse victim.  Please read “Life In A Toxic Home”

I do not write as elegantly as Cindy, but I just could not let this go.

copyright @2014 Doug Burrell

18 thoughts on “The Religious Vipers At It Again”

    1. thank you, my wife is a much better writer than I am. But sometimes the Lord gets a hold of me and I have to comment!
      Bless you!

  1. I tried to read the linked article with benefit of the doubt, and as such, didn’t completely agree with you on some points. However questions 11 and 12 (and 13) in the linked article are jaw-dropping and had me in disbelief. Notice you can vote for the quality of the article. After 150+ votes it has been rated 1.5 stars out of 5.

  2. Doug, You may feel you are not as eloquent as Cindy. I don’t know about that:
    el·o·quent [el-uh-kwuhnt]
    1. having or exercising the power of fluent, forceful, and appropriate speech: an eloquent orator.
    2. characterized by forceful and appropriate expression: an eloquent speech.
    3. movingly expressive: looks eloquent of disgust.
    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to both you and Cindy for bringing clarity and helping many of us to maneuver out of the fog of abuse. In my case, it’s a sad situation as I have to use different ‘name tags’ at different sites as my husband has decided to follow what I am gleaning strength from. One of the ministries warned me to be careful about what I ‘commented’ on because of this. He is outwardly a quiet man but has admitted he is selfish and does whatever it takes to survive and be comfortable – he now uses some of his knowledge to claim that I have been abusive towards him while confronting him:-(

    Luke 4:17-19 (NKJV)
    17 And He was handed the book of the prophet Isaiah. And when He had opened the book, He found the place where it was written:
    “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
    Because He has anointed Me
    To preach the gospel to the poor;
    He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
    To proclaim liberty to the captives
    And recovery of sight to the blind,
    To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
    To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”

  3. I went to the site you linked and read the “catechism” instructions for women married to unbelievers. The biggest danger in such relationships is, of course, the tendency for abuse to occur in “unequally yoked” relationships. Thank you for bringing this to light.

    The pastor who wrote the catechism also admonishes husbands of unbelievers along similar lines; however, the rules for wives are much more stringent, reflecting the kind of “woman, submit” mentality that glosses over the serious problems women especially can face in an abusive relationships.

    Sadly, the pastor completely ignores the plight of the children of such relationships, but that’s another issue. I hope he at least thinks about what happens there, and how God might truly regard the whole situation, then.

    The pastor also overlooks or is perhaps completely unaware of two other serious realities in such relationships:
    1. It is through the marriage relationship that Satan has the single most intimate and powerful access to an individual, if a spouse chooses to abuse.

    2. Whereas it “looks good on paper” and is certainly the hope held out in Scripture that a believing spouse can by Christ-like attitudes and actions influence the unbelieving spouse to seek the Lord and become a believer, this is NOT always the case. And anybody with any experience dealing with the real enemy “behind the scenes” (read point number one, above), knows hostilities can ramp up, often do over time, and victims of the onslaught suffer myriad subtle and blatant cruelties. Some, even lose their lives.

    I worry about the women (and some men) and their children in dangerous marriages who may now feel, after reading this “catechism,” that there is no hope for them; indeed, that somehow the criminal they live with is truly “better” than them, and they must continue to bare their spirit, psyche, mind, emotions, and body to the fist of evil.

    Sadly, the patriarchal mindset the pastor seems to exhibit may have blinded him to these realities.

    1. In a healthy marriage (even to an unbeliever), such a catechism is unnecessary. The fact that the man wrote such a piece reflects a mindset that supports submission in the face of cruelty and impropriety. “Your husband is better than you deserve, and you are a poorer wife than you should be?”

      Regardless of the behavior of the man in question, the treatment his wife receives is “better than she deserves?” I suppose he is saying that we all deserve hell (which is true), but our Lord Himself intercedes and provides a way to restoration, to protect us from such punishment. Similarly, marriage is a relationship that is specifically intended to reflect unity, mutual care and respect, forbearance, affection, protection and love. “Suffering for our faith” should describe us against the world, not us against ourselves. Not perfection, not always agreement, but always mutual respect and care.

      Such a catechism is unnecessary where mutual love prevails.

      1. You are absolutely correct, Cindy. We have no need of a law when our heart is right.

        I am constantly amazed at how many women also seem to swallow this kool-aid.

        Meadows “catechism” for men is no better.

  4. “I find it odd that women are being told to submit more than men are being told to love.” This is, as they say, the money quote!!!

    it is very interesting and very telling that the responsibility to love and submit always seems to always be placed on the shoulders of women. For every sermon on women submitting to their husbands, I wish more pastors would preach on “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.”

    Thank you

    1. Thank you Karen for your reply. We have been fighting this horrible teaching in the church for close to seven years. It is an uphill battle to say the least!

  5. Thanks from me too Doug. “Garbage” is too kind of a word for this “catechism.” I really felt that while engaging these guys who supported that catechism over at that blog, that I was talking with people who have no love, no empathy, who are never wrong, who have no humility, and who have grown old and fat and lazy and careless as they have sat in seats of power and control in their churches for many years holding people in bondage. Well in the last couple of days people like you and like us at A Cry for Justice, Julie Anne over at Spiritual Sounding Board and maybe others – by the Lord’s provision of this opportunity – spoke out and said “enough! This is man’s word, not God’s Word! It is wicked. We won’t have it. This is not Jesus.”

    1. Jeff, Cindy and I are honored to be on the same team as people like you, Anna, Barb and so many others. You are right about them having no love. They are full of dead mens bones. I think this is similar to what Jesus experienced when dealing with the pharisees. You and Barb were going to town! I don’t have that kind of patience for idiots! Nor the compassion I supposes I should have. But then again I never believed in letting the wolves mingle with the sheep. I can not stand bullying of any type. Pastors that facilitate this through improper teaching and/or not addressing abuse in the church are missing out on an opportunity to really restore families and communities. It boggles my mind that they teach that marriages should stay together no matter what, but do nothing to address spousal abuse! Thank you Jeff for your fighting spirit!

  6. You are the man, Doug!

    I, like your wife, am also in a second marriage with a great man, one who understands like you do what true leadership is about.

    Thank you for posting!

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